I'll say what i have in mind from now cause I've been quiet too long. If you find me too straightforward then you just knew the whole new ME :)

Well, I'll still be nice most of the time but i do bite sometimes if i find it too hard to handle or simply just can't stand the way you (no one in particular) think or does things or take things for granted. People need to grow up and i think it's time i stop pacifying cause i also need to grow up myself. i always tell my mum that other people are just riping while I'm already rotten. I think of myself as mature (like everyone else does) but there's still more room for me to become more understanding of others, find out how the world goes round and how other human minds tick...

I'm mature because I've been through more than what others have been through and learnt many things i didn't want to learn since young. The kind of pressure i face is much more than any ordinary teen. I grow up from those events and learnt to not take things for granted and that it's not easy being a parent. I'm like a half-parent myself having brought up some part of myself (time i took to understand what is gg on and start to mature on my own) and one of my greatest achievement - cousin X. I've looked after X since young and that bond we've built is indescribable...
My parents are like half-grown kids and it is us, the children, that make them mature and make their lives whole. Now i think they make my life whole too and regret that the love i give them is not even 1/1000000000th the love they give me. That's always the case in which children cannot give more love than what their parents give them. That again mzkes me grow up and appreciate all precious things around me.

I don't mind taking initiative although i keep complaining about it. But come to think of it doing things for other people is a kind of happiness too :)

Watched a show - the last holiday. And it made me think what if i have 3 more weeks to live?
I'd definitely do the same as her, busting every single cent i have and making sure the people i care for are well taken care of and spend my last moments with them. In addition, telling them not to cry for me and try to protect them even if i'm dead...
And i'll definitely try to live my life to the fullest and try on every single thing i haven't dared do before (if i have enough time)...

The worst is not dying but living and being a burden to others. Straining their mental, physical and monetary aspects. Making them worried, making them cry... Yet you can't do anything to help yourself or them... I don't want to be that burden even if no one really finds me a burden. ok then we'll call it responsibility... I don't need anyone to be responsible for me if i really turn vegetable or unconscious or sickly with many health problems. I can't handle it and i don't want anyone to try handling it too... It'll be too heavy... Heavy for you as well as me...

Heard from somewhere that it's the ones who live that suffers the most. If i were to die, I'd rather be the only one suffering rather than anyone else... Especially my family...

It's a rather heavy topic we just went through and it's just some of my deepest thoughts... I do mean what i say...
But i won't worry about it now cause i still wanna live and find a boyfriend and get married and have kids and enjoy life... just like anyone and everyone else does... Although some are not always that lucky... ... ... ... ...