I have changed.

I'm no longer the girl who puts family first. I am confused. Why is it mum and dad's nagging doesn't seem to log into my brain? I am even tired of being at home and doing things for them like I used to. I used to feel happy that the family needs me and that I am helping mum and dad but that has become a chore for me and I hate myself for that.

Worst off is I don't even listen to them on anything nor do I tell them anything now. It used to be different... Where is the old me? Why has it turned out like that? I can't link with mum like I used to... Am I a bad daughter to them? I think its a phase of life I haven't been through - the rebellious phase.

I have never thought I would need to go through this phasenor do I think I would as it was childish behaviour. I dunno what I want to do in life at this point in time except finding a good job with good prospects and be financially independent. Family weighs too much at this time. Why is it that I have no replies for jobs? Am I not qualified enough? Have I not put in enough effort to find one? Am I really ready for a job life? Do I have an alternative?

I feel like a loser. A person with no prospects and dunno what's lined up in life for me. For once, I am no longer in control.

I have so many things I need to help my parents do. I used to just do it but now I ask why can't they do it themselves? I am so bad. But i do have things to do on my own and they are taking up a lot of my time... It's my time even though I don't do anything with it. I'm childish. Bad bad bad!!!

Parent's list:
#01 Insurance
#02 Family's short trip and Europe trip
#03 Take up POA tuition
#04 Attend talks and seminars regardless whether they are beneficial (in my point of view)
#05 Keep saying I waste time not finding job and am slacking at home not doing my OBU
#06 New money-earning routes
#07 Internet sign-up
#08 MBA courses and ACCA exemptions
#09 Search for government-aid programs to help the unemployed PMETs
#10 Computer fixing

It doesnt feel like family. It feels like pushing responsibilities, communication problem and not united.

My list:
#01 OBU
#02 Finding a job
#03 Dance again
#04 $$$
#05 Have a social life than say at home
#06 Move out to stay on my own, cause it's too suffocating at home (even though I don't know how long I can survive without family)